11/11/11 11:11. ☺

♫ The promises we made seemed easier then, as if we knew our love would never end. But seasons change and time erases the tears as quickly as the rivers disappears. So while the song still brings that certain glow. And the words still sing of love I know. It isn't quite the way it was before. I remember the boy, but I don't remember the feeling anymore. ♫

Since I woke up this morning, I can't stop listening to Sheryn Regis' version of I Remember the Boy. It is set on repeat on my music player. (Imagine how depressed I am to be ignoring Cali Swag's Teach Me How to Dougie up to now. Lol!) I would like to think of it as a good sign. Yes, because of it, I feel like it's 2009 all over again and that is synonymous to very-bad-reminiscence-of-very-bad-memories. But you know, the last time I listened to that song nonstop, the lyrics actually came true. And there's nothing I want more than for that to happen again. I don't want to bore you with the details of what exactly happened last 2009. All I am saying here is that I think obsessing over that song seems good 'cause last time I checked, it made me realize a lot of things, it helped me move forward.

And because tomorrow is 11/11/11, people say that we are all entitled to a wish when the clock strikes 11:11. There's no harm in believing it. So, that's my wish. I wish I have the strength I had before to move on. I want to be free of this burden. I want to be free of this pain. Hell, why am I saying this? "The first step to moving on is ACCEPTANCE." I always tell that to people who are seeking my advice. I also blogged about that before. I realized that I do not practice what I preach so I might as well admit it. Yes, I'm in pain. I am hurting more than I am letting on and I hate myself for not accepting it at once. I have been lying to myself and to the people who care about me, denying that it's not much of a problem, saying "I'm fine" and that I can handle it and that it will pass in a blink of an eye. I should have stopped kidding myself sooner and maybe, just maybe, I might have been spared from all the heartaches. (Sabeh ng heartaches??? Can't think of any another term. Sorry.) I can't leave everything to 11:11, tho. I have to work on this. I have to help myself. What should I do? Lemme see . . .

Moving On 101 Version 2.0. Dear self,
- Stop thinking about what he said/promised.
- He asked you to wait. Are you waiting? No? Good. Don't. Leave it all to Mr. Fate and Ms. Destiny. I know it's a cliche, but still, it's true: If it's meant to be, it will happen.
- Enjoy life. Make yourself busy. (You don't have to say that, self. I am busy. You are busy.)
- See other people. Not literally. I mean, really see them. Stop comparing.
- Surround yourself with happy people.
- You have to want it. You can't move on if you don't want to.
- Lastly, honor your pain.

My question is, what happens next when I'm finally living up to the lyrics of I Remember the Boy again? Before, I got mad at him. I got bitter. I had a regular intake of sour grapes for two years. I must say that it helped a lot in my moving on process. But I don't want that to happen again. I don't want being okay to cost me our renewed friendship. The moving on process is not as easy as it is on paper. It's not a walk in the park where you'll just set your mind that you're off to the next chapter of your life and bada-bing-bada-boom, you've moved on. No. It's terrible. You'll go through a lot of phases. It sucks. Really. On the upside, when I was so crushed and heartbroken and I was trying to move on and I already got pass the loss-of-appetite stage, I started to eat a lot (maybe out of frustration) and I gained a lot of weight. 10 KILOS! No kidding! I wonder if that will happen again. I wissssssssh! But I guess it's too early to think about those things now. I haven't even started. I have to work on getting better first. Please help me, 11/11/11 11:11. Give me the courage and strength I once had. I already did this before. I know I can do this again now. ☺

I really wanna go to Banchetto-Megatent for their Make A Wish This 11-11-11 event tomorrow. Sadly, tho, all the lanterns have been reserved already. I would really love to see a night sky fully of lanterns. ♥ And yeah, maybe my wish will be a little bit louder than the others if it is sent with a sky lantern. Hihi! And maybe then, it will come true and I can finally sing . . . 3, 2, 1 . . .

♫ I REMEMBER THE BOY, BUT I DON'T REMEMBER THE FEELING ANYMORE . . . ♫

P.S. You may have noticed that I didn't badmouth him. I realized that it's useless. It won't change anything. And yes, I hate him for all the bullshit. But I don't hate him as a person. Maybe everything that's happening is mainly his fault. But not entirely. I have my fair share of mistakes too. He didn't ask me to believe him, did he? I just did.


P.P.S. If you're thinking that my being pissed off these past few days is because of him, you're wrong. I am keeping everything about it to myself, remember? I am outraged because of something else. It is about a (former?) friend dotdotdot. Not related to this post so I'm not gonna spill. :P